There’s a lot of talk on the blogosphere at the moment about guilds. So I thought that this would be an opportune moment to talk about the worst fucking guildie that I ever had. I would like to out her right here and now, but seeing as she is an attention whore that would be like giving a junkie smack to punish him for his sins. So I won’t. But I will tell you how utterly fail she was. She was ten layers of fail wrapped up in some chocolate coating that was full of laxatives which anyone who ever had her as a guild-mate likened the experience to flying from Sydney to London after eating that laxative cake.

Firstly, she was part of a husband and wife team, (she was the wife apparently). They were both in the guild and her husband was one of our core raiders, (this was back in Burning Crusade). She used this as a leverage, because the problem with couples is that if one gets upset and leaves then you know that the other one is going to follow. Which is fine, except if the other one is your main paladin healer. The first time I met this horrible cow I was just a lowly peon in the guild. If anyone has ever read my very first ever blog post, they will know that my main is a female night elf, cause their bottoms are damn hot and that is what I spend 90% of my time in WoW looking at so it may as well be a night elfs butt. I had been a part of the guild for a few months. I am quite vocal in chat when I put my mind to it. Lots of one liners, some of which are even funny. People in the guild liked me. But mad-cow really liked me, because she assumed that I was female because I had a female night elf which just goes to show how fucking stupid she was, as the only people who play female night elves are perverts like myself. When I found out that she actually thought that I was a female in real life I felt that I had to inform her of her mistake. Needless to say she went completely ape-shit. Apparently I had decieved her and every other girl in the guild, which was news to me. They were just jealous cause I was so fucking hot. At this point I didn’t have a real understanding of how much of a loopy-tune she was, so I apologised and stuff and calmed the situation down. All was good. Around this time the guild imploded mostly due to the fact that the GM thought of us as his personal property, serfs if you will. So a bunch of us told him to stick it and we formed our own guild. I should have known that things would not have turned out well when they took three whole days to decide on the guild name. I had come up with some great names, among them;

‘Somebody Boost Me’
‘The Crazy Eighty Eight’
and my personal favorite, ’6ULDV8′.

And the name that they decided on after I told them that I couldn’t care less any more?

‘The Order of Dawn.’

What does that even mean?? Does that imply that I have to get up early? Or that we raid when other normal people are going to bed drunk with some stranger they found down the pub? I never found out, but Order of fucking dawn we were. And mad-cow was an officer, as was her husband. And I was one as well. I kept some notes over the next 9 month period. The bitch quit the guild 17 times. After about the third time I informed everyone, (except her husband of course which is why couples suck in a guild), that she was quitting as a means to get attention, get her own way, or a combination of both. Everyone agreed with me, nodded their heads, told me that I was right, and then let her back in again. She quit for unbelievable reasons. She turned up to a Karazhan run 20 minutes late with no soud shards, (she was a warlock, fitting I thought), and I chewed her out? /gquit. She deposited some items in the guild bank and wasn’t thanked by each and every individual guild officer? /gquit once again. All this would be fine except she interspersed her periods of nuttiness with periods of being the guild mother hen. The sort of person who is asking how you are, is everything okay, when the real reason that she is asking is not because she wants to be nice but because she wants to find out everything that is going on. But nobody wanted to be the one who kicked her permanently, except me but they wouldn’t let me. Because, as with deciding on the guild name, everything was done by mass agreement. Every single person had to agree before a decision was taken. Which meant that nothing got decided, a little bit like Italian politics.
Eventually she quit again and this time I announced to the guild that if they let her back in then I was quitting. I was the raid leader so this would not have been good. But a few weeks later I went away for a few days, came back, and she was back in the guild. As soon as I logged on I received a stack of hurried whispers explaining why she had been let back in, that this time was different, etc etc.

I said that the reasons were all nice and promptly quit the guild. I didn’t want to do it, a lot of my friends were in there, but sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do. Some time after, her and her husband transferred off the realm. That’s the nice thing about WoW if you’re a social wankstain; just change your name and transfer to some other poor unsuspecting realm. Have any of you got a husband and wife team in your guild that are out where the trains don’t run? Paladin and a Warlock?

Be afraid, be very afraid.