There has been an explosion of list posts in the blogosphere this week, with a lot of them being of the warm fuzzy variety. You know the type, stuff like;

10 ways to help people in your raid,
10 things you can do to make the life of people who play WoW with you to be better,
10 gifts you can give to the other faction to show you care,
10 ways to build a healing mentality … wait that’s real …

Anyway, I thought that I would jump on this bandwagon and give you, my fellow dps brethern, some tasty tricks to spice up your dull moments in the game and help you become the better players that I know you can be. So lets get right to it!

1. Stand in the Fire. Yes, I know all those pesky healers and raid leaders constantly tell you not to do this, but my question to them is this: if we don’t stand in the fire, what the fuck is the priest going to do anyway? It’s like we’re giving them a gift, the ability to actually do something for a change. And at the same time we get to kill the stuff that is hiding in that crummy fire, or goo or blue cold or purple death ring, whatever the hell it is. Your job is to kill shit, so get in there and do it. If the healers can’t pull you out then obviously it’s just because they suck.

2. Your cooldowns are YOUR cooldowns. You can hear them saying it in raid: “You need to give me this, give me this when I say, lets swap these, blah blah blah.” Lets pretend you had a precious new born baby. And someone else wants to hold the baby, YOUR baby. I suppose you could let them hold the baby, but then again, why should you? It’s your baby, right? So you hold the baby as much as you want. I think I have explained enough here.

3. You’re allowed to pull. Yeah, I know they tell you to let the tank pull, but lets be honest, if the tank is any good then they can get threat whenever they want. And if you pull you get to kill more stuff. So what you do is you pull and then throw your tricks on the one person in the raid who got the most upset about you standing in the fire. That’ll teach them.

4. Can you maybe use it? Then roll. No matter what anyone else says it is your gear that makes the difference. The better your gear the more you can kill shit. Now that awesome hunter bow might only be a tiny step up from your ilvl 264 throwing star, but if you add all those steps up together then it’s a pretty big step, you know what I’m saying? Also, if you win and equip it then the hunter who missed out on it might be upset and he will probably make some mistakes and die thus enabling you to kill more shit.

5. Prioritise. In some fights the raid leader likes to give a kill “order”. Taking orders is bad, who do these peeps think they are? Particularly when those same orders are designed to get his mates the best dps and kills. You make the order that you want. I recommend from left to right, it always works for me.

6. “Killing guards grants no honor”. But it’s fun.

7. Some other crap. Why are these lists always top 10? Top 6 would be much better, cause it’s easier to remember, right?

8. Rolls in a raid. Your raid leader might ask you to do something stupid like shoot orbs or something. What’s the point in shooting a crummy orb? I didn’t come all this way just to do that. He will then say that this is your “roll”. Well, that’s a load of crap. My preferred roll in a raid is a sausage roll. Failing that a cinnamon roll. What is your favorite raid roll?

9. Help new players. A new player is someone who wants to kill shit that you are supposed to kill. The best way then to help new players is to discourage them from the game so that they won’t be around to bother you. My next top 10 list will be top 10 ways to grief new players.

10. Finally. Finally we get to number fucking 10. You have to love killing stuff. I mean, really lllooooooooovvvvvvvee it. If you don’t really love it then that is fine cause then that’s more stuff for me to kill.