Dear Gankalicious,

I noticed yesterday that you have removed your link to my blog from your own blog. This was a little disconcerting for me. The first thing I did was to spend almost 20 minutes clicking around your site in the vain hope that the link had just been moved or even temporarily misplaced. Maybe I would have felt better if I had found it hidden in a drawer in a box marked “links that you wouldn’t want to click on which is why I’ve stuck them here”, but somehow I doubt it.

Anyway, that is all simply conjecture as my link was nowhere to be found. This leaves two possible options. Option number one is that someone has stolen my link from your blog. I’m not sure how this could happen, but there are lots of things in the world that I don’t understand, such as why do ducks shit themselves so much. So lets just go with the possibility that the link has been stolen. This is a very serious and disturbing situation; if links can be stolen then maybe they can also be substituted! Some devious and sick individual could change a link on your site and then I would click it and go to killthekittenswithrabies.com and then the RSPCA would break down my door and I would end up in prison doing the buttsex just because I happened to click on an innocent looking link on your site and then spend three hours on it. If this is the case that the link has been stolen then we should call someone immediately. Let me know if you have someone’s phone number.

The second possibility is that you took the link from my site down because you don’t like me any more. Quite frankly, this is the option that I had been dreading the most, not least because it takes me back to my school days when not only was I the last person to be picked for team sports, but the captains in question who had to choose would both bribe me to conveniently disappear when the selection process was happening. Finally the PE teachers noticed what was going on and made me the referee, which was even worse, as whenever I gave a batsman out he would say something like, “See you after school when I smash your face in” or something like that.

It’s actually hard to believe that anyone on the internets would hate me enough to take down my link. But the fact remains that my link is no longer there. But this leaves me with a quandary; do I now need to take down your link as well? I know that you depend on the 1.2 visitors per month that accidently find their way to your site from mine, so I would probably feel somewhat bad if I removed your link. That and the fact that I can never remember how to do it. Perhaps you could come over to my place and show me how and then we could have a cup of tea. Tobold thinks links are stupid and is proud of the fact that he links nobody ever, ever ever on his site, which is convenient for him I suppose as everyone has already linked to his site.

Anyway, let me know what to do as I’m unable to do any work at all today and have chewed my nails on the cat down in desperation.

Adam.