Hello, please come in and lie down on the couch.
“Thank you. I’m very grateful that you could see me at such short notice.”
I understand. When the ill winds of life are blowing us in all directions, one has need of a pole to anchor against the dark.
“…”
Anyway, what seems to be the problem?
“Just so you know, I play World of Warcraft.”
I see.
“I don’t just play, I live and breathe it. I read blogs about it. I’d write my own blog if I could but I’m just not that cool.”
The vagrancies of the universe.
“That’s what I thought. But I’m not here to be cured; I love WoW, I love MMO’s. No, the reason that I need your help, that I need you to listen to me, to unburden myself, is that they’ve announced a new expansion for WoW. And there are … there are …”
Yes?
“There are pandas goddamit!” [The sound of heaving sobs as someone cries into their Darth Vadar T-Shirt.]
Pandas? I see. That is serious, I presume?
“It’s a travesty! A devastation! It’s like an April Fools joke come to life! Next thing you know they’ll have the guitar hero as a new class. Where will it end? And why is it happening to me?”
Tissue?
“Yes, please. Thanks.”
You’re welcome. It just so happens that I am somewhat familiar with this game.
“You are? That’s wonderful. So can you help? What should I do? Tell me what I need to do!”
I presume that you’ve played WoW since its inception? Yes, I thought so. And you had no problem with gnomes with pink pigtails riding mechanical chickens in that time?
“No, they’re part of the WoW universe.”
Of course. And likewise, no issues with cows that can talk and like to smoke peace pipes?
“Warcraft universe again.”
Naturally. And goats that pilot flying saucers in space? Also part of the Warcraft universe?
“Introduced in Warcraft III if I remember correctly.”
You could be right. And Mr T, Paris Hilton, motorcycles, rockets, guns, tanks, armoured cars, aircraft, and submarines. These are also all fine?
“Of course. I don’t see your point.”
Oh, I’m getting there. I suppose also that talking walruses, goblins that have theme-parks and golf courses, and werewolves were also par for the course? Excuse the pun.
“They were okay.”
You didn’t mind trolls with Rasta accents either?
“Trolls are way-cool, man!”
And you’re well up to speed with Warcraft lore? I mean, you’d be one of the more knowledgeable players around, is that correct?
“Absolutely. Without a doubt.”
That’s nice. So you’d know that the Pandaren were intoduced back in Warcraft III then, wouldn’t you?
“Um … I don’t see what that has to do with anything …”
That will be $700 for the session. See my secretary on the way out. We’ll schedule another session for the following week. Have a nice day.
More chicks in WoW? Shit, what’s not to like?
October 25, 2011 at 9:10 am
Not what I expected, but funny either way
I don’t really understand why these arguments keep coming up though. WoW has slowly been turned into a kids game, and my guess is these Pandas are simply the final straw for a lot of people who played since the game launched, regardless of their existence in the lore.
October 25, 2011 at 11:21 am
Yeah, I have to agree. The final straw for me was around the time of the sparkly pony. The thing I always liked least about WoW was the cartoony style and the gnomes I absolutely hated. However, I did enjoy the gameplay and loved exploring the world, which went a long way to making up for that. But the longer I played the more I got sick of all the increasingly cute and cuddly stuff, not to mention the dumbing down of the gameplay and eventually had enough of it.
And just because WoW has always had some lighter stuff in, it doesn’t necessarily justify putting kung fu pandas and pokemon pets in it. If I was heavily invested in WoW and I seen they were suddenly targetting an audience of 12 year old kids I’d probably be a bit upset too.
Having said that though, this is definitely my favourite expansion. The official forums have been absolutely hilarious. Blizzard truly are masters of trolling their players. RealID and the sparkly pony were funny, but this tops the lost.
October 25, 2011 at 11:56 am
People who care if they’re playing a childish game (regardless if the pandaren make wow childish or not) usually have a reason to care. They can be adults, they can actually be kids or teens themselves, but they often have a reason and its not one of the good reasons.
Anyway, I liked pandaren since WC3, i like the additions, I like their idea with talents, I love to play pokemon (though im 25) and i pretty much like every addition they announced. I’ll keep playing.
Whoever wan’ts to quit can go right ahead, though sadly, most of them won’t. Anyone who rages about a game that much cares to much about it to leave it.
Good post, Adam, been a while since you had one I completely agreed with. That doesn’t mean I don’t like the others. The only thing I don’t like about your blog is less frequent posting. Keep it up!
October 25, 2011 at 11:57 am
I need to write slower. The typos, they burn!
October 26, 2011 at 6:02 am
Thanks Nikola, but low posting has been due to the fact that there has been nothing to post about. That seems to be changing though, thankfully enough.
October 27, 2011 at 5:09 am
I’m beginning to notice that people who rage about the Pandaren fall generally into a few camps:
1. Those who didn’t know that Pandaren were introduced as a real race in WoW in Warcraft 3, but read somewhere that they were an April Fools’ joke.
2. People who don’t like pandas in general.
3. Trolls. The internet kind, not the WoW race.
The first group is misinformed. They latch on to the belief, blindly, that Pandas are a joke and nothing more.
I mean, Pandas might have started out as a bit of a joke, but the Draenai were *retconned*.
The second group, well, it’s a matter of taste.
And the third group, well. Don’t feed ‘em, I say.
Nice post you had there Adam. Made the day much lighter. =)
November 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Look they shouldn’t have added the freaking space goats but TBC had to have two new sexy races, ’cause every new Horde member was a Belf. Then in Cata every new Alliance was a Worgen ’cause now they have a bad “a” looking toon not a living doll i.e. gnome. Pandas! Yeah, they maybe lore but it’s a calculated move to bring in a new generation of WoW players. Ha! You wait, the expansion after MoP will allow human Druids (worgen are human with fur) Tauren rogues (if a fat panda can sneak why not a big bull), gnome hunters and anybody will be able to choose on any toon alliance or horde…or maybe a third faction.
This is insanity…no this is SPAR….er AZEROTH.