Barely has Noblegarden finished than Childrens week is upon us. This involves hardy adventurers showing poor orphans the sights of the world. Which means dragging little kids into places of death and making them watch. Awesome. The WoW site discribes the event as a chance for the heroes of the world to give something back to the victims of war, the orphans.

But lets just take a moment to think about this for a moment … [thinking face]

I will ponder only the Alliance side of this as I am unfamiliar with the Horde equivalent. Being an orphan means that your mummy and daddy have died. And being Warcraft we can suppose that they died in horrible ways. Who, perchance, could have been the horrible people to kill these poor orphans parents?

Well, probably you and me if we’re honest about it. Take a step outside Stormwind and the first things to kill are Defias Brotherhood members, all of whom happen to be human and around the age of having a couple of kids. I always like the way the women die, leaning over on their side while emitting a plaintive sigh. And she died just cause I was running through the area to get a copper node and couldn’t be bothered avoiding her. Or even better, I just got a tasty mace drop in Naxx but I’ve never leveled the weapon skill. So I go and practice using my weapon on poor defias lowbies to get quick skill-ups.

So you could take your orphan on a little murder tour.

“So, little Bobby, this is where I killed your mommy. She was in this field here, standing by this wagon over here …”
“Why was she standing next to the wagon?”
“I have no idea. Anyway, she was just there standing around … actually, come to think of it she was just walking back and forth over the same patch of ground with a bunch of other defias. And I was running through the area to get to the Deadmines you see, and as I ran past she said, ‘Ah-Ha!’, like really loud, bro. So I had to kill all of them, which I did. See, if you look here you can still see some blood, I think. If I remember correctly I got some wool cloth off her, which was cool as wool is worth heaps on the auction house right now.”
“But … did she say something when she died?”
“No, just the usual plaintive sigh. Anyway, moving over here, your dad was a mage, right?”
“I think so …”
“Worked for the Defias as well, yeah?”
“That’s what Uncle Bob said.”
“Oh yeah, Uncle Bob, yeah we’re getting to him. Anyway, I got your dad over here in this abandoned school in Moonbrook. He was fighting some other hero, a dwarf if I remember correctly. And your dad was doing really well, until I got him from behind. He dropped a magic ring too!”
“That was our family ring, we’ve been looking for it everywhere.”
“Oh, I disenchanted that, sorry. But I got a skill up from the mats!”
“Can we go back to Stormwind now?”
“But we’ve only just gotten started! We’ve got all your aunts and uncles to see yet.”
“Please, really, I’d just like to go home.”
“Well, okay. But go home and practice your sword-play and when you’re bigger maybe I’ll get to kill you as well! Just drop something decent, eh? Maybe a BoE recipe or something rare. There’s this cool cooking one that’s a pain in the butt to get. Could you do that for me, bro?”

To all the orphans of Stormwind. We made them, and we’ll get to cut them down when they come out to revenge their parents deaths at our bloody hands. But for now we can use them to get some more achievements! Woo.Hoo!