September 2009

I try not to make personal posts on this blog on what I’m doing in WoW, as lets be honest, who really gives a shit? You guys are most probably beyond caring that I just got this new drop in this raid, and awesome, now what am I going to gem it with, ooh, I need an enchant, but I went out farming to get the mats but then there were all these noobs farming there too, and they told me to go away and I was pissed so then …

You get the idea.

But I will go a little bit personal today as regards to how the guild is going. It’s going downhill slowly. Summer is always a brutal time of year for a guild, but this summer was even worse than usual. We launched the guild in April if I remember correctly, and we were just on our roll when we stumbled into Summer. And we lost all momentum. Officers took holidays and couldn’t play much because of work, myself as the GM was most at fualt here and I had the added obstacle of getting married in September. Our raiding dropped completely away, recruitment fell to blind chance and the guild became an area where you could say ‘grats’ on chat to someone for catching 100 fish. On top of that, it seems as if a lot of players have lost some enthusiasm for the game. Wrath of the Lich King has run out of steam, or so it seems to me.
So last night we had a little officers meeting on vent and we discussed what to do. The decision we took was to slowly work up to getting a high quality core raiding group going again, just focusing on 10 mans. Sunday is our raiding night, and this Sunday we’re going to hit Ulduar. We have invited players that we know are keen to get back into raiding and have given every officer moderator status on the guild event to invite those that we may have missed or who express keen interest. So far so good. How do we communicate all this then? We can’t use the in-game ‘guild message of the day’, as it is useless now that Blizzard has decided to use the same start-up space to advertise mountain dew. I suppose that we should just use the guild website and forum on which we spent so much time setting up. That would make sense, right?

Trying to get members to use the forum is like trying to herd cats. We have probably 5 or 6 members who actively use the forums. The rest of the guild may log on to check something, if you whisper them to do it seven times in a row, whilst sacrificing a goat in a ritual of blood during a waning moon on a day of the week that does not conclude with the letter ‘y’. It’s all well and good to broadly declare that guildies who do not sign up on the website will be last to be invited etc, but the fact is, when you’re having problems getting ten people to sign up you cannot be so high minded. But it isn’t just a situation of the forum not working at this point in time. Even when our guild was at its peak, forum useage was dire at best.

So how do you encourage people to use the forum? I have tried many ways but all have been to no avail. It seems that logging onto a bookmarked site, pressing a reply button and writing “I would like to come to the raid”, or “obey Henry”, really is asking too much of people who can spend five hours on WoW cruising around farming titanium. So I have decided to do a little experiment to find out how many people check the forum on a regular basis. I have posted a thread titled:

“Free Gold! Yes, Free! Gold for you!”

I thought that was catchy. The post goes on to say:


I am presently trying to find out how many of us actually use the guild forums on a regular basis.

Those of you who post in this thread today will receive 50 gold from the guild bank.

Those of you who post in here tomorrow will receive 25 gold from the guild bank.

I would ask everyone who sees this post to NOT tell anyone about it. I am trying to find out imformation on forum usage, not word of mouth.

Also, obey Henry. That is all.


This is my first step on the road of either bankrupting the guild or finding out how many people actually check the forum. Will it generate interest in the guild website? I hope so. It’s either this or naked Elizà dancing on mailbox pics.

So we all know that the patch has hit and that rogues AoE ability has been nerfed into the ground, and we also know what I think of that: I think that it was needed as I said in an earlier post, (incedently, all of those who wrote to me about that post telling me things like I should stop sucking Blizzards cock and other hidden gems, can you please do that again as I thought they were hilarious but sadly I deleted them by mistake.)

Anyway, I’ve just got back from holiday and right at this very moment I am updating WoW with the new patch. Being bored, I decided to have a gander through the patch notes. Nothing new there, all the usual stuff, no new cool inscriptions for rogues, I’ll just pop through the bug fixes and … what the hell?

# Rogue

* Vanish: This ability now correctly removes the snaring component of Frostfire Bolt.

This by itself is not going to fix Vanish, obviously. Blind Freddy and a host of Stevie Wonder clones can see that. But is it a start? And if it is, why so little? Just one tiny little vanish bug fix? Why, at this rate we should have Vanish up and running well by 2012. I mean, this is what Ghostcralwer had to say about Vanish in the rogue Q & A recently:

“Vanish isn’t working properly and breaks when you breathe on the rogue funny…”

So the issues of Vanish are well known at Blizzard and it gets one tiny little bug fix in the next patch. It’s weird. But what is more weird is that I cannot find any comment on this on the net. Nothing on Elitest Jerks, wowhead, you name it. The forums are silent and dead. Everyone has lost their head to the FoK obliviation and are running around like headless chickens at an apple bobbing competition. It’s not even on the wiki vanish page. Which means that this has been missed.
Now, I don’t PvP anymore, and Vanish isn’t really a problem for me. I mostly use it as an “Oh my God I have pulled major threat!” button in raids. But I am aware of the continual crying and complaining on rogue forums net-wide whenever some new patch notes come up. “What about Vanish?, cry cry cry … rinse and repeat.” So here comes a small Vanish bug improvement and it flies completely under the radar. Weird. So why could this be so?

According to the wiki page, the PvP rogue community presently sees Vanish as primarily a root/snare breaker. Hmm … this bug fix addresses this directly. Nothing about this on the Fostfire Bolt comments page on WoWhead either. I don’t know, I give up. Can anyone enlighten me as to why this has got zero response from the rogue community, either positive or negative?

(Your prize will be a trip for two to Westfall complete with level 8 rogues!)

I was listening to an episode of the World of Warcast podcast yesterday, (podcast review coming up on that one), where a female guest stated that she was the proud owner of 103 vanity pets. This illicited oohs and ahhs from the hosts.
“103 vanity pets?! Oh mys godz!!”
But lets be honest, this is just one of the many example of sterotyping and cliches that are the norm in this MMO for everyone. It might have 11 million odd players, but a lot of them act the same. Which is relatively similar to life as we know it. Lets start with the girls.

Female Players on WoW will for the most part play the game in the following way:

They will collect vanity pets and cooking recipies, whatever their age. Interestingly enough they won’t collect mounts in the same way that they collect pets. Is that because girls are more subtle? It could be. Or it could be because girls are more lazy. For the most part, mounts are just a little bit harder to get than pets. If you’re a full blooded male who wants to feel better about himself and his nerdy hobby by dragging his girlfriend into WoW, all you have to do is show her the vanity pet line. Top it off with fishing and cooking and your girlfriend is good to go! If you manage to do this during one of the annual holiday events then your partner will be trapped in the game for life.
Female WoW players either play healers, hunters or warlocks. They play healers because that’s what girls do. They heal. As opposed to icky boys who bash things and cause all the ills of the world. They play hunters and warlocks because, yes … you guessed it – they get a pet. Why do girls want pets so much? Beats me, but then again, why do they want babies so much …?

Males play WoW as you’d expect them to play WoW. With not much subtlety. But then again, male players, whatever their age will play any race/class/sex toon. That’s because we play the game so much we have 10 alts on either faction, so you end up having to play all combinations possible. There aren’t many male healers out there though. Which is a shame, as male healers will continue to heal you while getting their face ripped off. Female healers when attacked by any little bitty thing will stop healing you to heal themselves because, “…how can I heal you if I’m dead??” Obviously you can’t, but it’s all moot now as I’m dead. Males will collect just about anything in WoW but particularly mounts. I don’t know why this is so. You would think that little girls wanted the pony but apparently not. Is this freudism? And if Freud played WoW, what class would he be? What sex, come to that matter. He’d probably be a female orc warrior dressed in bondage gear.
For male players it is all about the gear. Having the best gear and having it first. As soon as the average male player gets a huge upgrade it is linked on guild chat. Then follows a slew of grats and other congradulations and salutations from the other male members of the guild. Girls don’t tend to do this as much. Now I think I know why the male peacocks have the amazing colour scheme going.

In WoW, people under the mental age of 18 wills talkz loikes ths. Wht ams I says? Lolz, stfu noobs hed. They will also invite you to their group and open a trade window without asking. They will camp your corpse, dance naked with their level 2 female night elf on top of mailboxes, and buy your stacks of herbs on the Auction House for full price on a friday. (By the way, herb is pronounced with the H, you morons.) They will ask if they can roll need on that plate in a PUG while playing a mage because they need it for their off spec. When you answer no, they will then press need.

Married couples who play WoW together are psychopaths. If you have them in your guild, be very afraid. If you have them in your raiding team then you are up shit creek without a paddle. Their dynamic will loosely follow this line. One of them will usually be the obvious psycho. They will cause trouble, quit the guild and come back more often than they change their diaper, and generally be the arch-example of a drama-queen. But the real psycho is the other half of the equation, the one that seems to be patiently putting up with their other halfs astoundingly bad behaviour. In real life behind the computer screen they are foaming at the mouth and doing weird stuff with their hands. (Speaking of this, I sometimes wonder how many of the people that I interact on WoW with are sitting at their computer naked. Then I quickly push that horrible thought to one side.)

People who play undead toons have real life issues. Or they just want you to stay away from them. People who you see quietly leveling their level 67 guildless mage through Outlands just want to be left alone. People who level through the Barrens or Stranglethorn Vale or Hillsbrad on a PvP server are masochists. People who have a blog about WoW are freaks of nature.

That’s all for a bit kiddies, I’m off on my honeymoon.