A few days ago one of my commenters remarked that a certain type of personality played a rogue. He didn’t expand on what that personality is as he is not a psychologist. Neither am I, but in the interests of science I’ll give it a shot, (reminds me of that old joke; I’m an amateur gynocologist – I’m not a professional but I’ll have a look).

So here is my offering of the different personality types needed to succesfully play a particular class.

Druid. This type of personality can’t make their mind up with what the hell they want to do. They want to have their cake, eat it now and probably throw it up so they can eat it again. They run around trying to do everything and probably achieve next to fuck all into the bargain. When confronted by their level of ineptitude they explain it away by pointing to the inefficiencies of the hybrid class which they chose to play in the first place and inevitably pester the powers at be to boost them so they are able to feel better with their measly pathetic lives.

Hunter. People who play hunters are the sort of arseholes who try to get everyone else to do their dirty work for them. Send in the troops while you stand at the back pretending that you’re actually doing something and if the shit goes down you can roll over and play dead. These are the type of people who convince co-workers to confront their boss at a meeting about wage issues and when the poor sap stands up and says his piece, he turns around to find our hunter friend whistling and looking out the window with a ‘this is news to me’ look on his face.

Mage. Remember the neighborhood kid who liked to set things on fire so that he could put them out? Well this is your typical mage – except he doesn’t put the fires out any more. The attention seeking moron who wants everyone to look at him, your mage likes lots of noise and flashy things without actually doing very much. Like all castles of sand his is eventually washed away, but he gets away with it by throwing a party, giving everyone lots to eat and drink and then giving them a free taxi ride home. The equivalent of rent a friend. In a word? Pathetic.

Paladin. The loud do-gooder who knows what’s best for you and is willing to smash you around a bit until you come to his way of thinking. Paladins are the type of people who put up with the rest of us. They expound from a lofty perch of high morals, patiently explaining that they have to lead us all and that their lives are extremely difficult because of it whilst actually playing the easiest fucking class in the entire game. In short, a bunch of hypocrites.

Priest. Remember the dude in Life of Brian who offers to help the guy carrying his cross and ends up getting crucified in his place? Well that is your typical priest. He’s out to help us, you and me, all of us, but what he really needs is help to protect him from himself. Patient and trusting, you can lead a priest anywhere to give you a hand as he is of the opinion that all people are good and just merely misunderstood, up to the point where you sacrifice him to the wolves and he gets his head cut off.

Rogue. These people chose to play a rogue because they thought that it would be easy to be able to sneak around everywhere, in other words avoiding any real responsibility in their lives. When they found out that it was actually a bit hard they proved themselves to be doubly stupid by sticking with the class in the face of all known evidence. They are the type of people to make a mistake, never learn from it and put up with it for the rest of their lives. Your typical loser.

Shaman. I like to think of shamans as the spoilt kid from school – nobody liked the little prick but you made friends with him anyway because he had all the best toys. As opposed to the priest who lives in a world of delusion, the shaman knows that you only like him for what he can bring to the party, yet he still comes anyway because it’s no fun sitting at home playing by yourself with your totems. Expect these people to marry badly and get taken for everything that they’ve got.

Warlock. Warlocks are played by the mis-understood kid. The type who broods in the corner while everyone else is having a good time, until he pulls out his machine gun and starts shooting. Except that the warlock likes to cajole others into shooting with him, usually the really nasty kids in the school yard. The problem with hanging out with the nasty kids is that they’re more nasty than you, and sooner or later you’re going to end up in a 10 by 10 cell with a 400 pound buddy called Candy. This can cause some people to become highly hysterical, which explains the in-game behavior of quite a few warlocks.

Warrior. The big goofy guy who is everyones friend and has a nice girl back home and who inevitably charges in first and gets his face eaten off? Yeah, this is your typical warrior. He’s got a heart of gold and will wear it on his sleeve – literally. Your warrior just wants to be liked, and he is likeable. But unfortuately for him he usually makes friends with a hunter and well, that’s not going to finish well for him, is it?

Death Knight. The type of person who will try the latest new fad immediately, whether it is good or bad. They want to be the first to do it and then show off to you that they have done it and that you haven’t, not realising that the reason that you didn’t do it is because the fad is a load of horse shit and them trying to rub it into your face is akin to somebody drinking a glass of cats piss and looking down on you while doing so. People to be pitied and avoided.

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