“… The Entry Fee for the Tournament is $20.00 USD for the Qualification Round of the Tournament. Canadian residents are not required to pay an Entry Fee in order to enter. Instead, Canadian residents may enter by submitting a 250 word typewritten essay comparing tournament video gaming in Canada to tournament video gaming in the United States on 8 ½ x 11 inch paper …”

Comparing tournament video gaming between Canada and the United States is somewhat difficult seeing as I don’t live in either country, but I assume that most Canadians don’t live in the US either, so maybe in comparison I don’t have that much of a handicap.

The main difference is that it’s fucking cold in Canada and this can cause your fingers to freeze up, even drop off if you’re not careful. Entrants from Florida would have a real advantage, and lets not even talk about Las Vegas. We also have to wear big wooly mitts to cover our ears which means that you can’t hear a fucking thing your team-mate is saying. Also they look really stupid which hurts your chances with the hawt chicks. My own ear-muffs are bright red, as I am sponsored by a local car-washing company, so I have to wear their shit. I bet players in the US don’t have to stoop to such levels just to enter a video game competition.

People in Canada are very poor, which is why we write essays to enter stuff like this instead of paying a months wages to do so. It’s lucky that our government protects us in such matters. Being poor, our computers are not of the latest high-tech standards which can be somewhat of a handicap when playing arena pvp. Sometimes you can find that the match is over before you have even left the loading page due to lag. So please let me win.