I don’t know if any of you knew but there is a pretty big fucking cathedral in Stormwind. I mean, that thing is huge and all done in the best possible taste. It’s chock full of holy people, there are paladins and priests galore standing around looking pious. Why there’s even a resident freakoid down in the catacombs, although heaven knows what he’s doing down there in the dark, (see what I did there??!).
These priests and paladins draw on their holy power and cast great spells, battle demons, bring people back from the dead, cook cranberry sauce hash browns and all other manner of awesome things. And I assume that all their mystical power comes from a God. You know, that’s the guy that they built the cathedral for apparently. He thinks it’s cool.
‘Oh look, a huge building made out of stone in my honor! That is the awesomeness. Now where’s my cupcake …’
So who is this God? What’s his name? Does he have any commandments? They’d probably have to be a tad different from the ones that we’re used to. And more importantly, why is there absolutely zero reference to him? You put up all the trappings of religion, you shove them in our face to be honest, but then … it’s a bit of a let down. I was hoping for some whacko religion, Scientologist style. Whatever religion it is it must be pretty damn tolerant, what with all the death knights and warlocks and demons and undead wandering around a block away in Stormwind. But if they’re not going to give us a religion then goddamit we better make one up.
Welcome to the religion of Adism.
The good people who follow Adism will be referred to from this point on as, Adists. There are a few rules, so lets get down to them shall we?
Rule 1: No gnome priests. Fuck that, man.
Rule 2: In order for Paladins to get their bubble spell they must actually pray in-game 5 times a day facing South by South West.
Rule 3: The bubble will however have a pretty piss poor chance to work against rogues.
Rule 4: Train sets are fucking banned.
Rule 5: Trade dealing on the Auction house is frowned upon and will only be available to night elves.
Rule 6: There’ll be a cool taberd.
Rule 7: Priests will be able to turn water into wine. Suck it up, mages!
Rule 8: Hunters will have to take a special month long course titled, “How to roll on loot.”
Rule 9: Tree form for druids!
Rule 10: Oh yeah, thou shall not steal, rape, blah blah blah.
So there you go. As this is a relatively new religion we have some positions open for saints, virgin mothers, that sort of thing. So drop me a line and let me know if you’re interested. I’m sure we can work something out.