I suppose by now that most of you have heard the news that Blizzard has taken to bribing tanks with shinies to get them to queue up for random heroic 5 mans with the LFG tool. Tanks get to cover themselves in gold, flask, elixers and jewels, (bet the alchemists and jewelcrafters are going to be wildly estactic about this), and also get the chance to get themselves some nifty in-game pets and mounts!

Why Blizzard, why do you have to be so dumb? Because the simple fact is that this is not going to work as intended. Lets look at this from a problem solving point of view.

Goal: To reduce queue times for DPS classes.

Now, Blizzard mentioned in that post that they didn’t want to give tanks extra valor points and epic items as that this would not keep the tanks in the LFG system. This is correct. Unfortunately, their other method of giving out pets and mounts won’t cause tanks to inhabit the LFG system either, at least not in continual numbers such as to bring the queue times down over a considerable period of time. (Incedently, there is one way that this system could work, and that would be to inform tanks before they start their LFG run which mounts and pets they could win in this run if they see it through; kind of like dangling the carrot in front of the donkey …). The simple fact is that most tanks are geared up and running raids now, so that they don’t really need the LFG heroics, apart from picking up their daily load of valor points or whatever the hell they’re called now. It is these tanks which need to be bribed back into heroics, and pets and mounts just aren’t going to cut it.

What would be my solution? It’s quite simple really. I would make it such that tanks had to use the LFG system on a daily basis to even be able to compete in the top level raids. And the method of doing this is simple: buffs. You make it so that each time a tank runs and completes a 5 man Heroic using the LFG system, (having queued alone), the tank receives a stackable buff which lasts for a 12 hour period lets say and that can be used in raids. You could make it stackable up to 5 or even 10 times. What sort of buff? Take your pick, whatever is going to make a big enough difference in raids that to go in without it would make a raid groups position very difficult.

And that’s it. Bribing is a useless method of getting what you want. Anyone who has ever tried to bribe children to behave knows this for a fact. The briber loses their position of power, effectively handing power over to the bribee. Blizzard can take back their power by making it obbligatory for tanks to run 5 mans every single day. Of course you run the risk that tanks might quit en masse, so throw in a sweetener of the pets and mounts if you want. You can thank me later Blizzard by giving me free pets and mounts, oooh shinies!