With the news that the key bag is to be taken out of the game, and after reading Klep’s post where he is pretty sure that Blizzard has formed a new company division called The Pointless Change Team, I want to give some thought to other changes that the team could put into place. I mean, there must be many areas of the game where changes need to be made for the sake of change, to give the illusion that Something is Being Done! After all, if something is seen to be done then obviously that means that things are being done, and if things are being done then that must also mean that changes are being made, and with changes comes new possibilities so it must all be good. There can be no other explanation. A lot of people have commented that removing a key bag does not equate with removing keys. How right they are! So with that in mind lets look at the possibilities open to the changes that must soon be made for the betterment of all.
Stage One – Class Trainers.
We all know that it’s such a drag having to actually walk, no ride your land mount, no sorry – fly to where the class trainer is in each city. And for what? For them to just wave an imaginary magic wand over you, give you some new abilities and spells, and then take your gold? How stupid is that? So now, with the removal of all class trainers from the game, Blizzard can now introduce the long awaited training system by osmosis. How it works is that when you go up a level you automatically get all the new powers, spells and abilities associated with that level. Gold is removed from your bag to compensate for this. If a player did not have enough gold to pay for all the new abilities then the gold will be deducted from all future gold earnings with a small interest charge compounded at 17.5% per in-game day. We are sure that players will be relieved that the onerous chore of having to actually go and see a class trainer in person has been lifted from their shoulders.
Stage Two – Spells and Levelling.
Since the removal of class trainers in the last patch, and the unmitigated success it has been with no player going to a class trainer since that time, we at Blizzard have decided to take this one step further and give players the streamlined path to success that they have been craving. To that effect we have decided to remove spells and abilities from the levelling process. This way your fresh faced level one toon will have all the spells and abilities ready at hand to face the dangers of the world. Many players have been crying out that it is unfair that level 85 toons have more abilities than they themselves do at level 1. Blizzard does not want to associate itself with unfair discriminatory practices such as this, so you can all rest assured that on creating a level 1 toon you can now do everything that you want. Gold will still be taken out of your bags to pay for these abilities, which will accumulate with a low interest rate of 17.25% over the course of your levelling time. We are excited at this change and cannot wait to the see the positive effect that it will have on the player community.
Stage Three – Spells.
The introduction in the last patch of all abilities at level one has been such a big hit with more level one toons created than ever before, that we have decided to take it one step further. Blizzard is proud to announce the removal of all spells and abilities within the game. From now on players will simply be able to do whatever they want. Players will now find a big red button in the center of their action bar. When this button is pressed then everything targeted by the player will automatically die in horrendous ways. We felt that it was unfair that some players were at a disadvantage to others by having to remember all the different spells and abilities. With this change we can truly say that WoW is a level playing field suitable for everyone to join in and enjoy.