Hello, please come in and lie down on the couch.

“Thank you. I’m very grateful that you could see me at such short notice.”

I understand. When the ill winds of life are blowing us in all directions, one has need of a pole to anchor against the dark.


Anyway, what seems to be the problem?

“Just so you know, I play World of Warcraft.”

I see.

“I don’t just play, I live and breathe it. I read blogs about it. I’d write my own blog if I could but I’m just not that cool.”

The vagrancies of the universe.

“That’s what I thought. But I’m not here to be cured; I love WoW, I love MMO’s. No, the reason that I need your help, that I need you to listen to me, to unburden myself, is that they’ve announced a new expansion for WoW. And there are … there are …”


“There are pandas goddamit!” [The sound of heaving sobs as someone cries into their Darth Vadar T-Shirt.]

Pandas? I see. That is serious, I presume?

“It’s a travesty! A devastation! It’s like an April Fools joke come to life! Next thing you know they’ll have the guitar hero as a new class. Where will it end? And why is it happening to me?”


“Yes, please. Thanks.”

You’re welcome. It just so happens that I am somewhat familiar with this game.

“You are? That’s wonderful. So can you help? What should I do? Tell me what I need to do!”

I presume that you’ve played WoW since its inception? Yes, I thought so. And you had no problem with gnomes with pink pigtails riding mechanical chickens in that time?

“No, they’re part of the WoW universe.”

Of course. And likewise, no issues with cows that can talk and like to smoke peace pipes?

“Warcraft universe again.”

Naturally. And goats that pilot flying saucers in space? Also part of the Warcraft universe?

“Introduced in Warcraft III if I remember correctly.”

You could be right. And Mr T, Paris Hilton, motorcycles, rockets, guns, tanks, armoured cars, aircraft, and submarines. These are also all fine?

“Of course. I don’t see your point.”

Oh, I’m getting there. I suppose also that talking walruses, goblins that have theme-parks and golf courses, and werewolves were also par for the course? Excuse the pun.

“They were okay.”

You didn’t mind trolls with Rasta accents either?

“Trolls are way-cool, man!”

And you’re well up to speed with Warcraft lore? I mean, you’d be one of the more knowledgeable players around, is that correct?

“Absolutely. Without a doubt.”

That’s nice. So you’d know that the Pandaren were intoduced back in Warcraft III then, wouldn’t you?

“Um … I don’t see what that has to do with anything …”

That will be $700 for the session. See my secretary on the way out. We’ll schedule another session for the following week. Have a nice day.

More chicks in WoW? Shit, what’s not to like?