I’m still playing The Elder Scrolls and it’s like I’m at the bloody Alamo – I’m the last blogger standing as everyone else has buggered off to play Wildstar. Well stuff that. I’ve seen the shorts for it and its cartoony landscape makes WoW look like a Turner painting. And I paid my money for ESO so I’m going to stick with it for a little more time yet, (the good wife was with me when I purchased it and if I don’t give it a good run she’s going to put me on a bread and water video game diet).

But ESO, the music … what were they thinking? Why? Why? Why am I continually tortured by the sound of wailing and moody violins and some brain-dead choir mouthing empty platitudes of soaring fucking boredom? I can’t take it any more. I knew it was going to bad before I even started playing the game. You see, I got a CD of the music with my game purchase, and I stuck it on the car stereo and then recoiled in horror as the epic violin warbling erupted from the car speakers. Seriously, in the aftermath I came very close to collecting a gaggle of grandmothers who gave me very nasty looks indeed.

The music in ESO is shit. Shittingly shit to be precise and throw in an adverb that doesn’t exist. Why are they still putting music like this in our games? Why not some good deep house or electronica? Or fucking anything else. I’d go for opera at this stage. For those who haven’t had the displeasure, here’s a sample.

Play that in the background while you continue to read this post, if you dare. Now imagine having to listen to that while you’re running around attempting to kill ten floozies. It’s fucking annoying, that’s what it is. Oh, I know what you’re going to say – just turn the music off! But that’s not the point, I don’t want to turn the music off. I want to have some good music. Some original music. Not original as in some sorry prick wrote this shit, but original as in nobody else has done it before.

Please Camelot Unchained, please please please, some cool electronica. I would worship you forever. As long as my wife allows me to buy you.