Hi, I’m Chris Kluwe, and I’m so dumb if you rubbed two rocks together it would probably be smarter than me.

Chris is apparently a gamer. Because he’s been playing games for a LONG TIME MAN! Really big games, more games than you can poke a pigskin at! So when he hears that some pinkshirt journalist who sold out to the lefties long ago declared gamers were dead, he was fucking ecstatic! Because poor old Chris wasn’t happy being a gamer, because he still felt like an overgrown nerd. But when gamers were pronounced dead, it meant that games were popular culture and now the whole world accepts him and now he feels fantastic! Because other people like them! And that means they must be coool!!!

So very very sad. And apparently every single gamer who objects to being declared dead is a misogynist, and a slackjawed pickletits, among other things. Now, I don’t exactly know what a pickletit is, but it sounds like something that would object to being labelled as dead, so I’m all for it. I’m not sure what hemorrhoidal gunt stains are either, [perhaps he meant grunt stains, but spelling is hard – ED]. But don’t worry because Chris is convinced that his side is WINNING THE CULTURE WAR because there are more nerds on TV. Really, because there are more nerds on TV, [Revenge of the Nerds doesn’t count? – ED]. Chris thinks that we are unmanly if we think women want to ruin our fun. Because obviously they don’t, since privilege and equality and all that shit. And apparently the tech industry has been really misogynistic for a long time because of …, um because of … like not many chicks were applying for jobs cause programming is hard I suppose …

I mean, Chris. How many fucking female linebackers are in the NFL? None that I can see, mate. You football players are so fucking misogynistic. The only chicks I can see on the field are the ones cavorting around wearing skimpy outfits and waving pompoms who then lie up to blow the whole team. I bet there are a few thousand geeky computer dudes somewhere in the world who wish that the games industry was as misogynistic as that, right? Right??? But us “vomitmouths” are just pieces of shit who treat women badly because … why again? Oh, i understand because you know game developers PERSONALLY. You know game reviewers PERSONALLY. Cause none of us do, obviously. You have to be a famous pigskin throwing, cheerleader banging righteous hip dude to know those sort of people. And what? All these people used to work in a small industry but now it’s a really big industry but that’s okay because they’re still playing games and they’re still friends?

What the fucking Jesus are you talking about? I mean, when you write lines like this:

“… Every game reviewer I know is actually highly concerned with the ethics of their situation, because they’ve gone to school for it. They know that acting unethically is a very quick way to drive away consumers …”

the only possible reason I can conceive for your existence is that a sperm got lost on its way to a barf station. Chris, I’ll give you one thing though. You take making inane comments and supporting them with broad-based ad hominem arguments to an entirely new level. I don’t know what you were smoking when you wrote that piece of shit diatribe, but somebody somewhere must be having a good chuckle right now.

Chris is fucking pissed the fucking fuck off. I know because he said that a fair few times. Myself, I’m wondering how much brain damage actually results from eight years of running head-first into other dudes who only have their place on a team because a woman was raped somewhere.

[editors note: we found Chris’ post via Tobold, which just goes to prove the general internet theory that everything Tobold approves of is obviously bullshit and vice-versa.]

Advertisements