I have only been able to find a single blacksmith on Magtheridon so far. Thankfully I don’t often need a titanium weapon chain, because he happens to be socially inept. Yesterday he whispered me asking for me to disenchant some items for him. I happened to be in Dalaran at the time, so I said that I would for a fee. I received a smily face as a reply and then was invited to group with him, which I assumed meant an acceptance of my conditions of service. He gave me the items and I disenchanted them. This is not as simple as it seems. I already have a lot of disenchanting mats in my bags, so when I disenchant gear for other people they all get mixed up together, so afterwards I have to scroll back through the chat, (which can be difficult in Dalaran what with all the goldsellers, shouting and general hoo-ha), count up how many of each item was DE’ed, then make new stacks of each item and finally put them up in a trade window. It takes some time, not as easy as just clicking a button. So anyway, I put them up in the trade window and he immediately presses trade.

But I don’t. I just wait. For my fee. It’s a small fee, 1g per item disenchanted, but this is my time and I’ll charge for it as I see fit. Eventually he asks what the problem is. I say that there is no problem, it just seems that he has forgotten to put the gold up. He replies that he thought I was joking. I reply that I don’t joke about gold bud, my ex girlfriends tits maybe, but never about gold. He says that he doesn’t have the 6 gold. A level 80 with 450 blacksmiting doesn’t have 6 gold. I reply that I will mail the mats to him C.O.D for 6 gold, so he can collect them when he wants for that price. He suddenly discovers that he has 6 gold, but he grumbles about it.

He then asks me to link my enchanting. Against my better judgement I do so. He tells me which enchant he wants, it requires among other things, 4 greater cosmic essence. He only has 3 on him, the ones I just gave to him. He asks me if I have one. I reply that I do. This is great news for our hero until I mention that the price for the enchant and the essence will be 40g. Now he exclaims in outrage at such a price for a greater cosmic essence. I patiently point out to this retard that this includes my price for doing the enchant, and seeing as the mat costs 27g on the auction house, I’m letting him off cheap. He declines my kind offer with the news that he’ll just get a guildie to do it for him and leaves the group without another word.

Fine by me, as I was sure that even if I did do the enchant something else would inevitably come up to make it all painful. How right I was. Within 30 seconds he whispered me with:

“Can you borrow me 500 gold please, payz you back soon.”

I replied with a calm, no, and then put him on ignore. So now I have to find another blacksmith if I ever need another titanium weapon chain. Thank god I don’t wear plate. Shortly after this I grouped up with a guildie. She is an alchemist that can do transmutes, so we are going into business together with my jewelcrafting. As we were sorting things out there came up a notice in trade chat of somebody looking for a JC. I didn’t respond. My guildie prompted me to reply, and I informed her that I just couldn’t be bothered. I don’t sell in trade chat anymore. I’d rather masturbate with a cheesegrater. Socializing in a social game on the internet is just too painful for words.

I can remember a few episodes from when I was in high school were we organised to meet the kids we didn’t like after school ‘behind the bike racks’. Your good old fashioned rumble. I was usually the one directing the action from beihd the scenes, calling out commands, manouvering my troops and keeping a sharp eye out for the school caretaker. Fun times. Wouldn’t it be great to have that type of antagonism in World of Warcraft? There’s bound to be some player that you don’t like on your faction. You don’t like him, he doesn’t like you, the stage is set for an epic battle. But lets take it a step further – what if you started to call out his fellow guildies?

“I see you’re in the same guild as Deathkiller. He’s such a moron, you must be a moron to hang around him.”
“Who the hell do you think you are? Those are fighting words!”
“Yeah, so what are you going to do about it??”

Answer? Nothing, because there’s nothing that you can do. But what if there was …?

Imagine if your guild was able to declare war on another guild from the same faction. This would permanently enable pvp combat between the players of each guild at any time, anywhere. You would be able to stalk and harrass them, gang up on them, use espionage and infiltrate their guild, calling out their location to your own guildies. Imagine the real time battles that could happen in the streets of Stormwind – rumbles with real meaning. Epic battles outside the auction house or by the Onyxia summoning stone.

Yeah, yeah, that’s all well and good, I hear you say. But at the end of the day it doesn’t mean anything much apart from the risk of being ganked.

I suppose so, but what if we add another twist? What if you had a situation where if you killed a player from a rival guild you were able to take one item from them and equip it yourself?

Now it opens itself up to some interesting possibilities. You would have to walk around with an escort if you had some really nice gear, or else be really sure of your own pvp abilities. Or it would involve a lot of walking around naked. Either way it could definitely get the heart pumping. And a good deal of trash talking. And bring a level of diplomacy and political subterfuge into the game that is entirely missing. And of course, this would be possible on PvE servers. I think that it would be ten flavors of awesome. How else could we refine it?

Dear Blizzard,

Hopefully soon you are going to release Cataclysm. This will be good as it will give us something to do. I am sure that you are going to put off the release with various arenas/battlegrounds/crappy PvE content to keep us occupied because it isn’t ready yet. Seeing that it isn’t ready yet, may I request a few things for the expansion? If you don’t want to put these in I understand perfectly due to the fact that you are all very busy and are a bunch of fucktards. Now that we’ve got off on the right foot, let me make my humble requests;

1. Arenas – these make our lives and yours rather difficult due to balancing issues. I know that if you nuke them altogether then people will say that you failed before and 0.000001% of the player base will be upset, so this obviously isn’t feasible. Could we make some arena-only realms where the laws of physics and magic function somewhat differently there? That could then leave the other realms to be arena free and not have to suffer through all the balancing decisions made as a result of this tedious medium.

2. Outland – Is there any point to this place anymore? It was a rhetorical question. I know that you wish the levelling process to continue through Outland but you have to know that apart from Nagrand, we all fucking hate that place. I’m not saying get rid of it, leave it out there hanging in space like a pair of undies on the washing line that you forgot before going on holiday for three months to India and when you come back you haven’t the heart to touch them again. Just give us a few alternative zones on Azeroth to get from 60-68. I know, make old raid content as a levelling option. AQ40! Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh!!!

3. Gnomeragon – Is that how you spell it? Whatever, please make this a city just so that I never have to run this as an instance again. While we’re on the subject I feel that Maraudon and Dire Maul should be turned into something else, such as theme parks or nudist colonies. To be fair, I shouldn’t comment on Dire Maul as I’ve barely done any of it, only due to the fact that I could never find a group to bare going with me at the appropriate level. It’s in my dungeon finder now though, so perhaps I can get back to you on this one.

4. The Weather effects – I like them a lot, please make more of them. How about some high and low tides in different parts of the world? And four seasons, would that be possible? Spring in the desert with flowers everywhere, that would be so lovely …

5. Vanish – Could you … ? Like … fix it?

6. Professions – Do something, anything, please, I like crafting but it is WoW’s weak point. Surely you could make these more interesting and not merely leveling time sinks.

If I think of any more I’ll throw them up. Thank you Blizzard for your oh so valuable time.